Due to my Aspergers and anxiety issues I tend to hyper focus on my problems, conflicts with people, etc. I learned this as a result of having to overcome so many problems in obtaining my education. Hyper focus was my strength. Hyper focus was a plus in the school environment but not so good with my people skills and the work environment of sales, customer service positions that require flexibility in thinking and tasks. In my volunteer capacity at the Red Cross there is no structure in the job tasks I perform. I have been in a disaster operation with the organization, which causes a great deal of stress for me in trying to do a good job and working with people I do not know, and therefore don’t know their pattern of behavior. When I am overwhelmed I will lash out in frustration. Once the operation has settled down and I am performing a routine task that is suited to me than I am at peace.
Part of my goal in freedom and peace of mind is to have structure where I can manage my anxiety and rigid thinking as I interact with people. All my adult life I felt if I could be the expert and not have to rely on people skills. I would have been more peaceful in my work environment if I could have done that. When I would tell people it was very often discounted so when I worked in services where I had to interact with people, I thought they must be right.
In the past when I was cornered I would quit or leave a relationship or environment. Being sent away from home taught me that. In order to create peace and reduce my anxiety I have had help in learning coping skills to calm my mind. One of the mantras I use is, “I can not control it”. That pulls me out and gives my mind a break.