Mental Health & Relationships: Understanding Trauma Bonds

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

I am sharing this article because men on the spectrum are prone to being in abusive relationships. I experienced many of the things in my marriage that are discussed in this article.  I ended up in rehab for 60 days to recover from the effects of the experience. I often today fear getting into another relationship because of the experience.  – Greg

What Is a Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation in order to survive. The bond is created due to a power imbalance and recurring abuse mixed with intermittent positive reinforcement; in other words, good and bad treatment. The abuser is the dominant partner in the relationship and controls the victim with fear, unpredictability, and domination.

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The Boring Back & Forth of Social Interactions: Advice from People with ADHD

by Cynthia Hammer

Note: the following is a collection of perspectives from different people with ADHD. The * indicates another person’s input. 

This article was of interest to me because I did have people tell me over the years that I did not have good social skills. I at times struggle with small talk.   – Greg

Social Interactions & ADHD: Why We Get Bored 

*Small talk can be profoundly boring. The older you get, the more this is true. Truly, it is hard to find people who “match” in terms of what they find stimulating.

*Yesterday I talked with a friend who also has ADHD about how typical conversations go.   One person says his whole monologue and then the other person says her whole monologue. The monologue-ing gets so boring it is hard for us to stay engaged.

We prefer conversations where people interrupt with interesting tidbits as this makes the conversation more engaging and exciting.  Our preferred way of communicating is perfectly acceptable although there are settings where we need to reel in our enthusiasms and engage in more socially acceptable ways

*The more I work on conversation skills, the more I find the “take turns to dump” style grating, It’s hard to follow the conversation and contribute anything meaningful.  My brain wanders off when I try to sit and wait my turn! read more