Category: Asbergers

Cultural Differences

Posted on by Gregory Wood

For the past several years I have been going to get my nails done at nail salon that is run by Vietnamese women.  I enjoy going and have developed a friendly relationship with one of the manicurists.  I find it easy to speak with her and I take an interest in learning about her and her culture. I find her to be kind, with a good work ethic and family oriented. In turn, I believe I treat her with respect and kindness.  I have also developed a friendly relationship with a professional massage therapist who is Chinese. Again, I feel safe with her and can be myself without judgement. Both of these women see me for me and are not put off by my Aspergers.

I have experienced a cultural difference between American women and the Asian women I have interacted with. I don’t want to generalize, but I have been able to develop a nice relationship with these Asian women without judgement which has helped me quite a bit. It has been a good experience to find companionship with people that are accepting and kind and allow me to be myself. 

I am currently dating a Vietnamese woman who is kind and accepting of me. She genuinely enjoys being with me, and I enjoy her company too.

– Greg

Navigating Relationships

Posted on by Gregory Wood

Since my divorce I have been making an attempt at online dating to learn about different types of people. I found that most of the ladies lack some basic functioning or live with their kids. I do feel some degree of independence is needed.  I say this because I have worked hard to have what I call a degree of responsibility and keep my business in order. For years I had trouble holding jobs. I felt I needed to figure out why. Therefore I did did not believe in dating or having kids after marriage. Why create more problems and stress for myself. In my brief marriage I did see my issues due to my Asberger diagnosis that were a lot more intense than I thought they were. I could never get my ex wife to learn to work with me.   

I met several woman who seem to think that I am stuck in my ways because I have been single most of my life. This is an example of how neurotypical people (in this case a female) mislabel people on the spectrum based on their ignorance of the characteristics of individuals who are neurodivergent. They look at my difficulty with change as being stuck in my ways. No different when I had a manager tell me years ago I lacked social skills. Some people get attached to certain beliefs, for example, stuck in their ways. Not a very common aspect of finding myself on the spectrum.  

I am finding at times I really want no part of the dating world because I work hard to function while most people, I am learning, seem to just go by the seat of their pants.  

Before and during Covid I did an experiment where I got on several online dating sites. My goal was to just meet people and see the different situations they are in without getting into a relationship. I did not want to make the same mistake as in my marriage. And with Asberger’s sometimes it was hard for me to see social cues in the dating world. I met over 50 people in a 3 year period. The experience taught me to see what I am not willing to get involved with. It was interesting to learn that many people are in some interesting situations. In the end it would be best to be with a person who is like me and who understands Asbergers.