Mental Health & Relationships: Understanding Trauma Bonds

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

I am sharing this article because men on the spectrum are prone to being in abusive relationships. I experienced many of the things in my marriage that are discussed in this article.  I ended up in rehab for 60 days to recover from the effects of the experience. I often today fear getting into another relationship because of the experience.  – Greg

What Is a Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation in order to survive. The bond is created due to a power imbalance and recurring abuse mixed with intermittent positive reinforcement; in other words, good and bad treatment. The abuser is the dominant partner in the relationship and controls the victim with fear, unpredictability, and domination.

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