Category: Updates

By Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

I have struggled with Codependent behavior due to the addiction issues that have effected various family members.   I have spoken about interdependent behavior as people before reading this article.  – Greg

What an Interdependent Relationship Looks Like

I have struggled with Codependent behavior due to the addiction issues that have effected various family members.   I have spoken about interdependent behavior as people before reading this article.  

To feel free in an interdependent relationship is the goal of recovery. It requires autonomy, self-esteem, and boundaries. Being able to envision what a healthy relationship looks like can help us modify our behavior to overcome codependency.

It’s paradoxical that autonomy supports a healthy relationship and we can feel even freer while in one. In fact, a balance of autonomy and intimacy makes the relationship more stable.

One of the differences between codependent and interdependent relationships is that codependent relationships are usually enmeshed. The boundaries between partners are blurred. Dependency is a core symptom that both causes and reflects these dysfunctional boundaries. read more

I have not written anything for the website in a while.  For the past 4 years I have been making an attempt at online dating to learn about different types of people.  I found that most of the ladies lack some degree of functioning or lived with their kids for some reason or another.   I am not against a person having kids but I do feel some degree of independence is needed.  I met a lady last week and one of her comments, one I have gotten over the years, is the perception that I am stuck in my ways because I have been single most of my life. This is an example of how neurotypical people (in this case a female) mislabel people on the spectrum based on their ignorance of the characteristics of individuals who are neurodivergent.  They look at my difficulty with change as being stuck in my ways.  This is no different than when I had a manager tell me years ago I lacked social skills.  Some people get attached to certain beliefs, ways of thinking, for example: stuck in their ways.  Not a very common aspect of finding myself on the spectrum.  

I am finding at times I really want no part of the dating world because I work hard to function when most women I am meeting do not seem to have their basic things in order. Like my boss used to say, “it runs by accident.”   – Greg