People with Aspergers need a safe environment where he/she can control the energy that comes in from the world. If they do not have a safe space during extreme stress they will experience regression in the coping skills that they have built. The fall back will effect their health. They typically need lots of alone time to recharge.
I have a need to develop skills to control meltdowns. Too many topics, too many decisions. My meltdowns will come as a result of accumulations of stress and I will not notice it is happening till it is too late. I have to learn to tame my noisy brain and control low tolerance for anxiety. Anxiety makes executive functions worse. If my partner “gets on my case”, it will escalate anxiety then everything will fall apart. My partner need to to speak in calm tones and have patience if you want results.
People with Aspergers suffer immensely and they need professional guidance and support groups. It is also important for your partner to seek therapy if there are problems in the relationship with an AS person who may have issues around temper or dealing with stress. Otherwise it can lead to violence.
They need warning for any changes in routine and an adjustment period; no sudden or major changes. While most people can make a change in plans quickly and easily, it is difficult for a person with AS. Changes/ transition has to be slow and gradual. Take your time to allow for your partner to get the comfortable with the transition. Do not move quickly.
Aspergers brain or operating system is developed differently than other people. Defensiveness is a natural self protection for Aspies and irrational temper creates a problem in communication. They think in black and white.
Email, letters and other forms of long distance communication can some times work better than in person communication because the person doesn’t have to deal with nonverbal cues.
For change to happen, it must be logical. A person with AS needs to know the details on how to make the change and they need to practice the change to make it permanent and conditions have to be optimal for change to occur.
People with AS need finite rules and to follow a schedule. They can be obsessive-compulsive. They are also very distractible.
My mother uses to say as a kid I would rather take apart things than deal with other kids. But I could never put the toys back together. Your heart can be broken day after day by the confusing behaviors of someone with Aspergers Syndrome. Focus on the qualities you admire in your Asbergers loved one.